Finally started FF-X2

after having it on my shelf for... 8 months.. and after being on the market for 12..

aahahah today i'll attempt to clean up the mess i call my room. I can't see carpet anymore, its simply a layer of papers scattered sporadically. They're a result from trying to do as much work as i can, by minimising the effort to put them in the bin, acheived by simply tossing them onto the ground.

Everyones been telling me how well they've been doing in their exams. Running out screaming "IT WAS SO EASY" or "I SMASHED IT" or "I DIDN"T EVEN STUDY AND I GOT FULL MARKS". Even people who flunked found a learning experience - "thats it after this im gonna rip the hsc". Of course, i hear that every time we have exams, and with no exception - myself also.

On one hand i have me - the nonchalant me, characteristic of a hobo. and then theres evil ambition within, characteristic of a mummy's boy from a school-which-shall-not-be-mentioned.

It makes me realise that i don't take enough risks. I think its these two sides that conflict each other. One wants to sit at home and play wc3 all day, but is scared of eating baked beans for the rest of his life.

The other wants to make billions so that he can rub it in peopels faces by eliminating poverty with only a few million, and also to make people shrivel up when they've heard i've become something. But this person is scared of being a slut to society, and undoubtly at the age of 40, run screaming out of his CBD office naked screaming "I"VE WASTED MY LIFE!"

I think this makes me plan too much ahead. Not planning things like .. "WHAT DO I WANT TO GROW UP TO BE: um i want to be.. an astronaut" no, not that. Planning things on how to avoid planning. Things like making sure i can maximise my centerlink payments in the future. Mayb i should take a risk and fix myself to something. actually commit. and actually stay with it when i fail, and jump for joy when i succeed.

Well. theres the philosophical me that hasn't blogged for 3 weeks. But behind that, i think all i wanted to say is that maybe i should take more risks.